Dear reader,

I think one of the most exhausting things in life is having to pretend you're okay when you're not. Having to wake up every morning, get yourself ready, go about your day, speak to people, laugh at their jokes and act as though everything is normal, when deep down you know something isn't right. And the worst part is that sometimes you can't even explain what it is that's bothering you. You just know that you're tired, and not necessarily the kind of tired that a good night's sleep can fix.

I think we often forget that just because someone seems happy doesn't mean they actually are. We see people smiling, laughing, making plans and carrying on with their lives, and we automatically assume they're doing fine. But we never really know what someone is going through when they're alone. We don't know what they've been worrying about, what they've been keeping to themselves or how much effort it took for them to get through that day. Sometimes the people who seem to have everything together are the very people who wish someone would notice that they're struggling.

And I think that's what makes it so difficult. When you've spent so long being the person who's always okay, it becomes harder to admit when you're not. You start convincing yourself that other people have bigger problems, that you're being dramatic or that you should just get on with it. So instead of talking about how you feel, you brush it off. You tell people you're just tired, or stressed, or that you've had a long week. And maybe those things are true, but sometimes there's so much more behind those words than anyone realises.

But something I've been thinking about recently is why we feel the need to make our struggles seem smaller just to make other people comfortable.

Why do we apologise for having difficult days? Why do we feel guilty for needing reassurance, support or simply someone to listen?

We've somehow created this idea that being strong means being able to deal with everything on our own, when really, I think there's a lot of strength in admitting that you can't always do that.

I also think there's something particularly lonely about being surrounded by people and still feeling like nobody really knows how you're doing. Not because they don't care, but because you've become so used to giving everyone the version of yourself that they're familiar with. The happy one, the funny one, the one who always listens, the one who never seems to have anything wrong. And after a while, you might start wondering whether people would still see you the same way if they knew what was actually going on in your head.

But I hope you know that you don't have to earn people's love and kindness by being easy to be around all the time. You are allowed to have days when you don't feel like talking. You're allowed to feel overwhelmed by things that other people might not understand. You're allowed to need a little more patience, a little more reassurance and a little more support than usual. None of those things make you difficult, weak or any less deserving of the people who care about you.

And please don't convince yourself that because somebody else might be struggling more, your feelings somehow matter less. There will always be someone facing a different kind of difficulty, but that doesn't mean what you're experiencing isn't important. You don't have to wait until everything becomes too much before you reach out. Sometimes telling someone you trust that things haven't been great lately is enough to begin a conversation you've needed for a long time. And if you don't know how to explain it properly, that's okay too. You don't need to have all the right words.

I don't want this letter to be another reminder to stay positive or look on the bright side, because I know that sometimes those words aren't particularly helpful. Sometimes things are genuinely difficult, and pretending all the time or pushing down your feelings doesn't make them any easier. I think what matters more is remembering that difficult feelings deserve attention rather than embarrassment, and that asking for help doesn't take away from all the things you've already managed to get through.

So this Sunday, I want you to think about how often you've told someone you're fine when you weren't. Think about how much energy you've spent trying to make sure nobody worries about you, and whether you've been giving yourself the same kindness that you so willingly give everyone else. And if there's something you've been keeping to yourself, perhaps this week you could share a little of it with someone you feel safe around. Not because you owe anyone an explanation, but because you deserve to feel supported too.

Maybe you’re not okay. Maybe you’ve become so good at saying “I’m fine” that nobody thinks to ask twice anymore. Maybe you’ve gotten used to carrying things quietly because you don’t want to be a burden, or because you don’t even know how to explain what’s wrong.

So, to anyone reading this who's been finding life a little harder than usual lately, I really do hope things become lighter for you. I hope you find people who listen without making you feel judged, people who notice the little things and people who remind you that you don't always have to be the strong one. More than anything, I hope you begin to realise that being loved shouldn't depend on how well you can pretend everything is okay.

Because at the end of the day, you deserve to be cared for on the days when you're struggling just as much as you do on the days when you're smiling. And I hope you never forget that.

With love, 
Dear Daisy 🌼 

Dear reader,

I think we’ve become so used to kindness having a reason behind it that, when someone is genuinely kind to us, we almost don’t know what to do with it.

We’re used to people helping because they want something back. We’re used to kindness being conditional, to people showing up when it benefits them, and disappearing when it doesn’t. And after a while, I think that changes us.

Someone can go completely out of their way for you, ask for absolutely nothing in return, and instead of simply accepting that they cared, you find yourself wondering why.

What do they want?
What’s the catch?
Why are they being so nice to me?

And I think that’s quite sad. Because sometimes people really are just being kind.

There doesn’t always have to be an alternative motive. Sometimes someone sees that you’re having a difficult day and wants to make it slightly easier. Sometimes someone checks in because they thought about you. Sometimes someone helps you without needing you to know that they did.

And I think we underestimate how much that can matter, especially when someone is struggling with their mental health or just having a rough day.

You don’t always know when someone is having a hard time. A person can look completely fine and still be carrying something they haven’t spoken about. They might not even have the words for it themselves. Sometimes a small act of kindness can be the only reminder someone gets that people still care about them.

Not because kindness fixes everything, it really doesn’t. But because when you’re already having a difficult time, the way people treat you can make the world feel a little heavier or a little lighter.

And I think there’s something important in remembering that we have no idea what people are going through.

That doesn’t mean you have to tolerate being treated badly. It doesn’t mean you should give endlessly to people who take advantage of you. Having boundaries is still important, and looking after yourself is important too.

But I never want to become so used to unkindness that I start expecting it from everyone. I don’t want to become suspicious of someone simply because they did something nice for me. And I definitely don’t want to become the kind of person who only helps when there’s something to gain from it.

There is something so fulfilling about doing something for someone and knowing you may never get anything back. Maybe they won’t thank you, maybe they won’t even realise you were the person who made their day a little easier.

Do it anyway.

Because I think we need more kindness that happens quietly. Not kindness for attention, not kindness for praise, not kindness because you’re keeping some invisible score of everything you’ve done for everyone. Just kindness because you can.

And maybe, if we do that enough, we can slowly make genuine kindness feel normal again. Maybe someone won’t have to question why you cared. Maybe they’ll just believe you.

And if you’re someone who has become suspicious of kindness because you’ve been given too many reasons to be, I hope you remember that not everyone is waiting to take something from you.

And if your first instinct is to apologise when someone is kind to you, or to feel like you have to repay them immediately, please remember that you don’t always have to. You don’t have to earn kindness by giving something back. You don’t have to feel guilty for being cared about. Sometimes you can just say thank you, let yourself accept it, and trust that someone genuinely wanted to do something nice for you.

Some people really will show up because they care. Some people really will help without wanting anything back.

And sometimes, you’re allowed to let that be enough without thinking they have an ulterior motive.

With love,
Dear Daisy 🌼 

Dear reader,

Please please don't skim this one.

I know that sounds dramatic, but I mean it. Don't read the first few lines, decide this isn't relevant to you, and carry on with your day. Maybe it isn't about you or maybe it is. Maybe one day it will be about someone you love more than anything.

September is Suicide Prevention Month, but I've never really liked the idea that something this serious gets just one month.

People don't only struggle in September. They don't only feel lonely in September. They don't only have their worst nights in September.

So maybe we should stop waiting for a month to remind us to care.

And I'm saying this because a few months ago, I was the person who needed someone to care.

I got to a point where I didn't want to be here anymore. I couldn't see a way out, and I definitely did not want to wake up the next morning. I tried to end my life.

And then morning came.

I woke up to the sound of cars outside and, somehow, I went to school.

I walked through the same corridors, saw the same people, sat in the same classrooms and carried on with my day knowing something that nobody else knew.

People were laughing, lessons were happening, the school bell was still ringing.

The world hadn't stopped. But I felt like mine had. And I don't think I'll ever forget that feeling.

Because it taught me that you really can have no idea what is going on inside someone just because they look okay.

Someone can be laughing with you and go home and fall apart. Someone can be the person everyone comes to when they need help and still have no idea how to ask for it themselves. Someone can say they're fine because they genuinely don't know how to say anything else. So please, notice people.

Ask again when someone says they're fine. Send the message. Sit beside the person who's gone quiet.

And if they finally tell you they're struggling, don't make them feel like they should have kept it to themselves.

You don't need to have the perfect answer. You don't need to fix their life. Sometimes you just need to stay.

And if you're the person who is struggling, I really need you to hear this:

There is no shame in needing help.

There is no shame in feeling weak. There is no shame in being exhausted, in crying, in falling apart, or in admitting that you're drowning.

You don't have to be the strong one all the time.

You don't get extra points for suffering quietly. As hard as it may seem, I’m begging you to please please please reach out and ask for help. 

That is enough, I promise!

And if you're worried about being a burden, please understand that I would much rather you have an uncomfortable conversation with me than leave me wishing for the rest of my life that you'd had one with me.

Choose the awkward conversation. Choose the tears. Choose asking for help. Choose another day.

And I know some of you have heard this before, but I need to say it anyway.

Take the day off, cut your hair, change your style, rearrange your room at midnight, go somewhere you've never been, leave the situation that's hurting you, tell someone the truth, cry until you feel empty, start again, change your plans, change your mind. Change your whole life if you need to.

Just don't take it.

Because I wish I could go back and show myself the life I couldn't see that night.

Not some perfect life. I still have bad days. I still have things I struggle with.

I'm just talking about the ordinary things. I nearly missed all of it.

And that is something I think about more than people probably realise.

Because I am living proof that life can change.

A few months ago, I couldn't see a future for myself. But now I'm writing about one.

So if you can't see yours yet, please don't assume that means it isn't there.

And if you’ve never experienced internal struggle ask others in case they’re in need of help. Ask twice, or even ask three times. Stay for the answer, listen to them.

And if it's you who's in that darkness right now, please stay long enough to see what comes after it. You haven't met everyone you're going to love. You haven't laughed at every stupid thing you're going to laugh at. You haven't become the person you're going to be. There are whole pieces of your life that don't exist yet.

I nearly never got to meet mine and I don’t want you in the same position.

So please don't let the worst moment you've ever lived through make the decision for every moment that comes after it.

You can change your life, you can start again, you can ask for help, you can become someone completely different.

You can survive this!!

And if you don't believe that yet, that's okay because I didn't either.

Just borrow someone else’s belief for a while until you gain yours back.

Please stay long enough to find out what your life can become.

With love,

Dear Daisy 🌼 

Dear reader,

I think one of the strangest things about mental health is how we seem to have this idea that you have to be really, really struggling before you're allowed to say you're struggling.

Like, if you're still going to school, still replying to people, still getting things done, then surely you're fine. And if you're not fine, maybe you should just keep it to yourself.

But that's not how it works.

You can be doing everything you're supposed to be doing and still not feel like yourself. You can have a good day and still have something on your mind. You can laugh with your friends and still be struggling with something you haven't told anyone.

And I think sometimes we forget that.

We forget that people don't always need a reason that sounds serious enough to everyone else. They don't need to be at rock bottom before they're allowed to say, “I'm not okay.”

And if you're struggling right now, I really hope you know that!

You don't have to wait until things get worse to talk to someone. You don't have to have the perfect explanation. And you don't have to make what you're going through sound more serious for it to matter.

But I also think this is something we seriously need to think about as the people around them.

Because sometimes we make it harder for people to open up without even realising it.

We say things like “But you seem fine” or “Everyone's going through stuff” or “You'll be okay.”

And maybe we don’t mean to sound disregarding, but sometimes, when someone is trying to tell you something, the last thing they need is to feel like they have to prove it.

Maybe we need to get better at letting people be honest before things become a crisis or end up with irreversible consequences.

But we don’t achieve this by making everyone feel like they have to talk about everything. We achieve this by making the people around you feel comfortable and safe.

And maybe that's something we can all do a little better. Even the ones who have previously gone through their own battles. 

I hope this didn’t seem like I was having a dig at any one of you, I just wanted to make this letter something to provoke thoughts of change in your head. It is never easy to go through struggles or help someone else through theirs, but maybe in the future we will all have a better understanding of what we can do to help ourselves and the ones around us.

And always remember, you don't have to be falling apart to deserve to be heard.

With love, 

Dear Daisy 🌼 

Dear reader,

I think one of the worst feelings is realising that someone only really wanted you when they needed you.

You were there when they needed someone to talk to. You helped them, you listened to them, you made time for them, and you showed up because you cared. You didn't do it because you expected anything back or because you wanted to be owed favours. You just thought that's what you do for people you love.

But then, unfortunately, things change.

They find new friends, and suddenly you're not as important anymore. The messages get less frequent. They become uninterested in what you have to say, so the conversations get shorter. They start making plans without you, and somehow the person who once couldn't go a day without talking to you can now go weeks.

And that's when you start wondering whether they actually missed you, or just missed having you there when they needed something.

I think it's so easy to take people for granted when you know they'll always be there. But people get tired too.

And I really don't think people realise how much this stuff can affect someone. You never know what someone is already going through. You don't know if they're already feeling alone, already questioning themselves, already wondering whether they're enough. So when you make someone feel replaceable on top of all of that, you might think it's nothing. To them, it might be everything, it might even be their last straw.

And honestly, I find it quite funny sometimes how people can act like they're better than everyone else. Better looking, more popular, more important, more deserving. But at the end of the day, we're all just people. We were all born human! We all have feelings, we all get hurt, we all have things we don't tell people.

So why do we act like some people matter more than others?

You don't have to be the funniest, most useful or most interesting person in the room to deserve to be there. You deserve people who choose you even when you have nothing to offer them. People who ask how you are without needing anything. People who don't forget you the second they find someone new.

And if someone does leave, as much as it hurts, please don't let it convince you that you weren't enough.

Sometimes people leave because they found something new. Sometimes they take you for granted because they thought you'd always be there despite what they may put you through. And sometimes, sadly, people just don't know how to appreciate what they have until it's gone.

But none of that makes you worth less. You were never just useful, you were never replaceable and you were never only worth keeping when someone needed you.

So if you ever find yourself feeling like someone else's second choice, please please please remember this:

It’s okay to outgrow people who made you feel like you had to earn your place in their lives.

It’s okay to walk away from people you still care about when staying means slowly losing yourself.

It’s okay to choose yourself, because sometimes losing someone who never really valued you is how you finally realise just how much you’re worth.

And, finally, It is more than okay to distance yourself from people who only talk to you when it benefits them!!! 

The people who are meant to be in your life won't make you spend every day wondering whether you are ‘good enough’ or worthy of their love.

With love,

Dear Daisy 🌼 

Dear reader,

Now that both GCSE and A-Level results are out, I wanted to say something to anyone who didn’t get the results they were hoping for.

Firstly, if you got what you wanted, congratulations. You should be proud of yourself. You worked for it and you deserve to enjoy that.

But for anyone who opened their results and felt disappointed, this Sunday letter is mainly for you!

I know you’ve probably been told a million times already that it’s not the end of the world. And when you’re the one looking at results you didn’t want, hearing that probably gets quite annoying. Because maybe it does feel like a big deal right now. Maybe you had a plan in your head and these results have changed it. Maybe you know you could have done better. Maybe you’re more disappointed in yourself than anyone else is. And you’re allowed to feel that way, it is completely normal I promise.

But the reason people say it isn’t the end of the world is because it genuinely isn’t the end of your opportunities. If you’re disappointed with your GCSEs, you still have two years ahead of you. Two years of A-Levels, BTECs or college where you can work towards something new or slightly different, improve and figure out what you actually want to do. One set of GCSE results doesn’t decide how well you’ll do over the next two years.

And if you’re disappointed with your A-Levels, it doesn’t mean everything is suddenly over either. Maybe you didn’t get into the university you wanted. Maybe things haven’t gone exactly to plan, but there are still other universities, jobs, apprenticeships and opportunities. You might have to take a different route, but that doesn’t mean you’re not still going somewhere.

And please don’t spend too much time comparing yourself to everyone else. I know it’s hard when you see people posting their results and celebrating things you wish had happened for you. But comparison steals your joy. Someone else getting what they wanted doesn’t mean you’ve failed. Maybe just getting through your exams is more of an achievement than anyone would ever know.

We’re not all meant to get the same results, or be good at the same things or need the same amount of work to achieve something. If we were all exactly the same and all needed to work in exactly the same way to get where we wanted to be, the world would be a pretty boring place.

Some people are naturally good at school, some people have to work harder and some people figure things out later. That doesn’t make anyone better or worse than anyone else.

So if you’re disappointed, be disappointed. You don’t need to pretend it doesn’t matter. But once you’ve had time to process it, don’t let one results day convince you that you’re incapable or that your future is suddenly ruined.

Your plan might have changed, but that doesn’t mean your future has!!! And I think that’s worth remembering.

And at the end of the day, they’re just exams. Important at the time, maybe so, but never ever more important than you! Not your happiness, your wellbeing, the people you love, the memories you’ll make and the life you still have ahead of you. A few grades could never measure your character, your potential or everything you have to give this world. So be disappointed if you need to be, but please don’t let a set of results make you question your worth or everything you’re capable of. Your life is made up of so much more than what happens in an exam hall, and as cringy as it sounds, these results are only one teeny tiny moment in a much bigger story. Maybe they can affect your next step, but they will never get to decide where you end up.

With love 

Dear Daisy 🌼 

Dear reader,

A friend and I were talking about money, success and the future this week, and it definitely gave me the idea for this weeks Sunday Letter. It got me thinking about how easily we can become so focused on building a good life that we forget to ask ourselves whether we actually like the life we’re building.

We’re constantly told to want more. More money. More success. More achievements. More things to prove that we’re doing well.

And there’s nothing wrong with wanting any of those things. But sometimes I think we get so caught up in striving for a successful life that we forget we’re supposed to enjoy living it too.

Because what do you really have if you have all the money you wanted but you’re miserable? If everyone is proud of you but you don’t recognise yourself anymore? If you’ve spent years becoming the person everyone else wanted you to be and, somewhere along the way, completely lost yourself?

I think we forget that our happiness and mental health aren’t things we can just worry about once everything else is sorted.

They are the point.

And I think comparison plays a huge part in this too. We all do it. We look at someone else’s life and wish we had their money, their looks, their friendships, their confidence, their opportunities. We convince ourselves they’ve somehow figured life out while we’re falling behind.

But how can you compare your entire life to the tiny part of someone else’s life that you get to see?

Sometimes people tell me they’d like to be me, and honestly, I wish they didn’t. Because they don’t see every thought, every worry, every insecurity or every difficult day that comes with being me. They’re comparing their reality to a version of mine they’ve created in their head. And I think we all do that at some point. We see someone else’s highlight reel and use it to criticise our ‘behind the scenes’.

That’s one of the reasons I love sharing a bit of my story online. I never want anyone to look at me and think I have everything figured out. I’m just a normal person going through life, having hard days, figuring things out and trying my best to get through it, just like everyone else.

Because while you’re wishing you had someone else’s life, there’s a good chance someone else is looking at yours and wishing they had yours.

Comparison steals so much joy from us.

So please, stop for a second and think about your own life. Are you chasing what you actually want, or what you think you’re supposed to want? If nobody could see your achievements, would you still care about them? If nobody was impressed by your life, would you still want to live it?And if you knew you could have everything you ever wanted but had to lose yourself along the way, would it really be worth it?

Because you’re the one who has to live your life.

Not your parents. Not your friends. Not the people you’re trying to impress. Not the person you keep comparing yourself to.

Just you.

So work hard and have big dreams. Want more and be ambitious. But please please please don’t spend your whole life sacrificing your happiness for a future you want to have but you’re not even guaranteed.

Don’t wait for more money to let yourself be happy. Don’t wait for success to feel proud of yourself. Don’t keep telling yourself that one day, when you finally have everything you’ll finally feel like enough.

You are 100% allowed to enjoy your life while you’re still building it.

And please don’t lose yourself trying to create a life that looks perfect to everyone else. Because one day, all you’ll have is the life YOU, and YOU ONLY, actually lived.

So please, make it yours.

Stop comparing it, stop living it for other people, stop waiting for permission to choose what makes you happy. You only get one life, so don’t spend it living someone else’s version of it.

Choose yourself. Choose what makes you happy. Choose a life that feels like yours.

Not the version people expect. Not the version that looks best from the outside.

Just yours.

With love,

Dear Daisy 🌼