Previous Sunday Letters 🌼

Dear reader,

I think one of the worst feelings is realising that someone only really wanted you when they needed you.

You were there when they needed someone to talk to. You helped them, you listened to them, you made time for them, and you showed up because you cared. You didn't do it because you expected anything back or because you wanted to be owed favours. You just thought that's what you do for people you love.

But then, unfortunately, things change.

They find new friends, and suddenly you're not as important anymore. The messages get less frequent. They become uninterested in what you have to say, so the conversations get shorter. They start making plans without you, and somehow the person who once couldn't go a day without talking to you can now go weeks.

And that's when you start wondering whether they actually missed you, or just missed having you there when they needed something.

I think it's so easy to take people for granted when you know they'll always be there. But people get tired too.

And I really don't think people realise how much this stuff can affect someone. You never know what someone is already going through. You don't know if they're already feeling alone, already questioning themselves, already wondering whether they're enough. So when you make someone feel replaceable on top of all of that, you might think it's nothing. To them, it might be everything, it might even be their last straw.

And honestly, I find it quite funny sometimes how people can act like they're better than everyone else. Better looking, more popular, more important, more deserving. But at the end of the day, we're all just people. We were all born human! We all have feelings, we all get hurt, we all have things we don't tell people.

So why do we act like some people matter more than others?

You don't have to be the funniest, most useful or most interesting person in the room to deserve to be there. You deserve people who choose you even when you have nothing to offer them. People who ask how you are without needing anything. People who don't forget you the second they find someone new.

And if someone does leave, as much as it hurts, please don't let it convince you that you weren't enough.

Sometimes people leave because they found something new. Sometimes they take you for granted because they thought you'd always be there despite what they may put you through. And sometimes, sadly, people just don't know how to appreciate what they have until it's gone.

But none of that makes you worth less. You were never just useful, you were never replaceable and you were never only worth keeping when someone needed you.

So if you ever find yourself feeling like someone else's second choice, please please please remember this:

It’s okay to outgrow people who made you feel like you had to earn your place in their lives.

It’s okay to walk away from people you still care about when staying means slowly losing yourself.

It’s okay to choose yourself, because sometimes losing someone who never really valued you is how you finally realise just how much you’re worth.

And, finally, It is more than okay to distance yourself from people who only talk to you when it benefits them!!! 

The people who are meant to be in your life won't make you spend every day wondering whether you are ‘good enough’ or worthy of their love.

With love,

Dear Daisy 🌼 

Dear reader,

Now that both GCSE and A-Level results are out, I wanted to say something to anyone who didn’t get the results they were hoping for.

Firstly, if you got what you wanted, congratulations. You should be proud of yourself. You worked for it and you deserve to enjoy that.

But for anyone who opened their results and felt disappointed, this Sunday letter is mainly for you!

I know you’ve probably been told a million times already that it’s not the end of the world. And when you’re the one looking at results you didn’t want, hearing that probably gets quite annoying. Because maybe it does feel like a big deal right now. Maybe you had a plan in your head and these results have changed it. Maybe you know you could have done better. Maybe you’re more disappointed in yourself than anyone else is. And you’re allowed to feel that way, it is completely normal I promise.

But the reason people say it isn’t the end of the world is because it genuinely isn’t the end of your opportunities. If you’re disappointed with your GCSEs, you still have two years ahead of you. Two years of A-Levels, BTECs or college where you can work towards something new or slightly different, improve and figure out what you actually want to do. One set of GCSE results doesn’t decide how well you’ll do over the next two years.

And if you’re disappointed with your A-Levels, it doesn’t mean everything is suddenly over either. Maybe you didn’t get into the university you wanted. Maybe things haven’t gone exactly to plan, but there are still other universities, jobs, apprenticeships and opportunities. You might have to take a different route, but that doesn’t mean you’re not still going somewhere.

And please don’t spend too much time comparing yourself to everyone else. I know it’s hard when you see people posting their results and celebrating things you wish had happened for you. But comparison steals your joy. Someone else getting what they wanted doesn’t mean you’ve failed. Maybe just getting through your exams is more of an achievement than anyone would ever know.

We’re not all meant to get the same results, or be good at the same things or need the same amount of work to achieve something. If we were all exactly the same and all needed to work in exactly the same way to get where we wanted to be, the world would be a pretty boring place.

Some people are naturally good at school, some people have to work harder and some people figure things out later. That doesn’t make anyone better or worse than anyone else.

So if you’re disappointed, be disappointed. You don’t need to pretend it doesn’t matter. But once you’ve had time to process it, don’t let one results day convince you that you’re incapable or that your future is suddenly ruined.

Your plan might have changed, but that doesn’t mean your future has!!! And I think that’s worth remembering.

And at the end of the day, they’re just exams. Important at the time, maybe so, but never ever more important than you! Not your happiness, your wellbeing, the people you love, the memories you’ll make and the life you still have ahead of you. A few grades could never measure your character, your potential or everything you have to give this world. So be disappointed if you need to be, but please don’t let a set of results make you question your worth or everything you’re capable of. Your life is made up of so much more than what happens in an exam hall, and as cringy as it sounds, these results are only one teeny tiny moment in a much bigger story. Maybe they can affect your next step, but they will never get to decide where you end up.

With love 

Dear Daisy 🌼 

Dear reader,

A friend and I were talking about money, success and the future this week, and it definitely gave me the idea for this weeks Sunday Letter. It got me thinking about how easily we can become so focused on building a good life that we forget to ask ourselves whether we actually like the life we’re building.

We’re constantly told to want more. More money. More success. More achievements. More things to prove that we’re doing well.

And there’s nothing wrong with wanting any of those things. But sometimes I think we get so caught up in striving for a successful life that we forget we’re supposed to enjoy living it too.

Because what do you really have if you have all the money you wanted but you’re miserable? If everyone is proud of you but you don’t recognise yourself anymore? If you’ve spent years becoming the person everyone else wanted you to be and, somewhere along the way, completely lost yourself?

I think we forget that our happiness and mental health aren’t things we can just worry about once everything else is sorted.

They are the point.

And I think comparison plays a huge part in this too. We all do it. We look at someone else’s life and wish we had their money, their looks, their friendships, their confidence, their opportunities. We convince ourselves they’ve somehow figured life out while we’re falling behind.

But how can you compare your entire life to the tiny part of someone else’s life that you get to see?

Sometimes people tell me they’d like to be me, and honestly, I wish they didn’t. Because they don’t see every thought, every worry, every insecurity or every difficult day that comes with being me. They’re comparing their reality to a version of mine they’ve created in their head. And I think we all do that at some point. We see someone else’s highlight reel and use it to criticise our ‘behind the scenes’.

That’s one of the reasons I love sharing a bit of my story online. I never want anyone to look at me and think I have everything figured out. I’m just a normal person going through life, having hard days, figuring things out and trying my best to get through it, just like everyone else.

Because while you’re wishing you had someone else’s life, there’s a good chance someone else is looking at yours and wishing they had yours.

Comparison steals so much joy from us.

So please, stop for a second and think about your own life. Are you chasing what you actually want, or what you think you’re supposed to want? If nobody could see your achievements, would you still care about them? If nobody was impressed by your life, would you still want to live it?And if you knew you could have everything you ever wanted but had to lose yourself along the way, would it really be worth it?

Because you’re the one who has to live your life.

Not your parents. Not your friends. Not the people you’re trying to impress. Not the person you keep comparing yourself to.

Just you.

So work hard and have big dreams. Want more and be ambitious. But please please please don’t spend your whole life sacrificing your happiness for a future you want to have but you’re not even guaranteed.

Don’t wait for more money to let yourself be happy. Don’t wait for success to feel proud of yourself. Don’t keep telling yourself that one day, when you finally have everything you’ll finally feel like enough.

You are 100% allowed to enjoy your life while you’re still building it.

And please don’t lose yourself trying to create a life that looks perfect to everyone else. Because one day, all you’ll have is the life YOU, and YOU ONLY, actually lived.

So please, make it yours.

Stop comparing it, stop living it for other people, stop waiting for permission to choose what makes you happy. You only get one life, so don’t spend it living someone else’s version of it.

Choose yourself. Choose what makes you happy. Choose a life that feels like yours.

Not the version people expect. Not the version that looks best from the outside.

Just yours.

With love,

Dear Daisy 🌼 

Dear reader,

I think sometimes we put so much pressure on ourselves to be better once we’ve started feeling better. We almost convince ourselves that if we’ve made it out of a difficult place, we’re not allowed to visit it again. Like having those feelings come back means we haven’t actually healed at all.

This week has been quite a rough one for me, which has felt strange because I’m literally on holiday. I’m somewhere where I’m meant to be relaxing, enjoying myself and making memories, but there have still been moments where I’ve felt a lot like I did when I was really at my lowest. And honestly, that’s been hard to accept. The fact that certain thoughts have been in the back of my mind whilst doing things with the people I love has made me feel like I never really got better. I’ve definitely felt guilty for feeling like this.

And I think that’s what has made this week harder than it needed to be. I wasn’t just struggling with how I felt, I was then feeling guilty for struggling in the first place. I was almost convincing myself that because I was somewhere nice, I wasn’t allowed to have a difficult day.

But maybe that’s something I needed to learn. Maybe feeling like this again doesn’t mean I’ve gone backwards. Maybe it just means I’m having a hard week.

And if you’ve been feeling like this too, I really want you to hear that.

If you’ve had a few really good weeks and then suddenly found yourself feeling the way you used to, please don’t let that convince you that all of your progress has disappeared. I know how easy it is to believe that you’re falling back into the hole you came from after a bad day or week, and then feel disappointed in yourself for still struggling.

But you are allowed to have a bad day after having a good one. You are allowed to feel sad when things around you are good. You are allowed to be excited about something and still have that heaviness sitting in the back of your head. You can be having the best day and still not feel completely okay, and that doesn’t make the good parts any less real.

And please don’t feel guilty for feelings that you didn’t choose.

You don’t need a good enough reason to be struggling. You don’t have to prove that you’re having a hard time before you’re allowed to admit that you are. Sometimes you just feel a bit off, sometimes everything feels heavier than usual, and sometimes you can’t even properly explain why. That doesn’t make your feelings any less valid.

Most importantly, please don’t believe that a difficult moment means that you’re returning to the beginning.

You haven’t forgotten everything you’ve learnt. You haven’t lost all of the progress you’ve made. You are not the person you were just because you’ve had a day that feels a little like the past. Healing was never going to mean that you would never struggle again.

It just means that when those feelings do come back, you can remind yourself that they will pass, just like they have before.

So if this week has been a difficult one for you too, please don’t make yourself feel worse for it. Don’t spend the whole week wishing you felt differently or feeling guilty because you think you should be happier. You don’t have to force yourself to enjoy every second just because things around you are good.

Give yourself permission to have the day you’re having. If you’re tired, be tired. If you’re sad, let yourself be sad. If you don’t really know what you’re feeling, that’s okay too. You don’t have to fix everything straight away.

Just remember that this feeling is not forever. You have felt okay before, and you will feel okay again. You’ve already made it through days you once thought you couldn’t, and you’ll make it through this one too.

Please don’t let one difficult week make you forget all the days you fought so hard to get to. Don’t let a bad day convince you that you’re back at the beginning when you’re actually just somewhere in the middle of your journey.

You are still moving forwards, even when you can’t feel it. So take the time you need, be patient with yourself, and when you’re ready, get back up and keep going. There is still so much life ahead of you, so many good days you haven’t lived yet, and so many versions of yourself you haven’t met.

One bad week doesn’t get rid of how far you’ve come. And one bad day certainly doesn’t get to decide where you’re going.

Please remember: you don’t have to feel guilty for not being okay all of the time.

With love,

Dear Daisy 🌼 

Dear reader,

[Firstly, to the ones who never thought they'd make it to August, I'm really glad you're here!}

When was the last time you heard someone say, "I'm really struggling," and nobody looked uncomfortable or didn’t quite know how to respond?

Because I believe it happens every single day due to the stigma around the topic of mental health.

However,  If you walked into school with your arm in a sling, people would ask what happened. They'd hold doors open for you, they'd tell you not to carry your bag and they’d probably carry your tray at lunch just to make life a bit easier for you.

But if you walked in carrying something nobody could see... that’s a different story.

You'd probably tell everyone you're just tired, or stressed, or you’ve got a lot going on, or maybe you’d say “I’m fine”. That seems to be a common one

And I really don't blame anyone for that either because somewhere along the way in our lives, struggling became something we're supposed to hide or something that’s embarrassing to talk about.

We've turned mental health into something people don’t quite know how to handle due to the simple fact that it is not talked about enough. I don’t want it to be the main topic of every conversation, I simply just want people to feel comfortable enough to share their struggles without the fear of being judged. And I truly believe that until someone has gone through their own struggles, they won’t quite know what to do or how to help others.

We seem to apologise for crying a lot. We convince ourselves we're being dramatic. We tell ourselves that someone else has it worse, so we stay quiet. And, unfortunately, before we know it, we've spent weeks and months pretending.

I wish asking for help felt as normal as asking someone for a plaster. 

I've never met anyone who's got life completely figured out. But I've met people who are brilliant at hiding it. But never anyone who's got it all together or isn’t going through some sort of struggle or problem.

Every single person is carrying something. Some just hide it better than others.

Over the last year, I've realised that people don't always need someone to fix them. Most of the time they just need somewhere they feel safe enough to stop pretending, even for a couple of hours.

Somewhere they don't have to force a smile, or pretend that everything’s okay or go about life just surviving instead of actually living. Sometimes people just need a place to cry if they need to, no questions asked. Or just sit there in complete silence without feeling awkward.

I think everyone deserves access to a place like that. That's why, this winter, I'm opening something called The Open Seat.

It’s not a business. Or something you need to pay for. It’s just a small community space, held in a small space I’ll own, for anyone who needs it.  A place where people can walk through the door, get some food and drink, sit down, meet others if they want to, do an activity of their choice or simply enjoy the quiet for a while, or maybe talk to someone they don’t really know, to share their struggles without judgement.

I called it ‘The Open Seat’ because I don't think anyone should ever have to question whether there's a place for them. Too many people spend their hardest days wondering if they'd be welcome, if they're "struggling enough", or if they'd just be a burden. I wanted the answer to those questions to always be the same. The seat will already be there. It will be open, and it will be waiting for anyone needs it.

And for those wondering if you have to be at rock bottom to come… I want this to be a space welcome to anyone. You don’t have to be struggling at all. Maybe you just don’t want to spend the evening alone or maybe you want to come and see if you can help anyone else. ‘The Open Seat’ will be open to anyone and everyone!

I'm not creating it because I think I can solve people's problems. Because I can't, and no one can solve everything.  But I do believe conversations save lives, I believe feeling seen matters. I believe that one person taking the time to listen can change far more than they'll ever realise. And I believe we've spent far too long making people feel ashamed or embarrassed for simply being human.

So I really hope that ‘The Open Seat’ will change the stigma around mental health, even if it takes 10 years.

So, If you're reading this tonight and you're carrying more than anyone knows, please don't wait until everything falls apart before you let someone in. You don't have to reach rock bottom before you deserve support. I promise you, you deserve it now.

And until The Open Seat has its doors open this winter, mine are, and always will be!!

Whether you want advice, or somewhere to vent, or just someone to listen, you can always send me a message. You never have to earn the right to be heard.

With love,

Dear Daisy 🌼

Dear reader,

I think we’re all really good liars.

“I’m fine.”

It is probably one of the easiest lies in the world to tell.

You can be struggling more than you ever have before and still get up, get dressed, go to school, laugh with your friends and answer “yeah, I’m good” without anyone questioning it.

I know because I did it. I hid from my own problems for so long that eventually I wasn’t just hiding them from everyone else, i was hiding them from myself.

I kept thinking I could deal with it later. Until eventually, later came. And I cracked. It really wasn’t pretty at all!

I wish I hadn’t waited for that. I wish I’d understood that you don’t need to be at rock bottom before you’re allowed to ask someone for a hand.

So if you’re doing what I did right now, please just be honest with yourself for a second.

Are you actually okay?

Because if the answer is no, even the slightest bit, or if your answer isn't yes without a second thought, then I want you to start with something that has become one of the most important things I believe:

Give yourself a reason. 

And I seriously mean that. Give yourself a reason to get up tomorrow, because I think we all need something to live for and work towards. Something to care about. Something that makes us want to be there to see it or experience it.

When you lose that sense of purpose, everything can start feeling pointless. You wake up and you don’t really know what you’re getting up for anymore. And that is exactly when finding a reason matters most.

It doesn't have to be some massive life purpose. Please don't put that pressure on yourself.

Your reason could be a person, your dog, your friends, getting through school, a holiday, seeing summer again, a future job, a place you desperately want to visit, finding out who you are when you're 20, a concert you're going to. Or something as small as knowing your friend is expecting to see you tomorrow.

I genuinely don't care how small or big it may be.

Just give yourself something.

And I know that sounds almost too simple. But since starting Dear Daisy, complete strangers have contacted me because they couldn't find their reason anymore. I've never met them. I don't know what they look like. I don't know their voices. I could walk straight past them tomorrow and neither of us would have any idea. But we've talked and we've found a reason together. And then, later they came back and told me something else. Their initial reason had changed. Then they came back again and there was another one, and another. Their reasons got bigger. They changed as people and they found their purpose in life. And suddenly the person who once needed help finding just one reason to stay had a whole list of things they wanted to stay around for.

That has stayed with me more than they probably realise. Because it proved to me that you don't need to have your whole life figured out, you just need somewhere to start.

So if you're reading this feeling completely lost right now, I'm not going to tell you to “just think positive”. I'm definitely not going to pretend four words magically fix everything. I'm just asking you, as another person who has struggled too, to please find something. Just one small reason.

And if you genuinely cannot think of one right now, then don't sit alone trying to force yourself to. And definitely don't think you're a failure for struggling to find a reason, because you're NOT!! It is hard to climb out of a hole without help. So, please, reach out to someone and allow yourself to ask for help. Borrow someone else's hope for a bit. Tell your friend, tell your mum or dad, tell a teacher, tell someone you trust that things aren't right.

And if you can't bring yourself to tell someone who knows you yet, you can contact me anonymously through Dear Daisy. You don't have to give me your name. You don't need some perfectly written explanation. You can literally just say that you need help finding your reason to keep going. That's all I promise!! And I'll listen. I'll help you start looking.

I waited until I broke to admit I wasn't okay. Please don't wait for that. Give yourself something to work towards. Something to get up for. Something that makes tomorrow worth seeing. And then when tomorrow comes, find another. Your reason is allowed to change. It's supposed to change as you grow as a person.

So if all you can find today is one tiny reason, that's okay, start there.

Give yourself a reason.

Then give yourself enough time to discover all the reasons you don't even know about yet.

With love,

Dear Daisy 🌼